How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less

In a world where first impressions can make or break relationships, “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” by Nicholas Boothman serves as a guide to mastering the art of rapid connection. Published in 2000, this book offers practical strategies for anyone looking to improve their interpersonal skills, whether in personal or professional settings. Boothman, leveraging his background in photography and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), provides actionable insights into making lasting impressions in the crucial first moments of interaction.

The Importance of First Impressions and Social Connections

Why First Impressions Matter

First impressions are formed within seconds of meeting someone, and they set the tone for the entire relationship. Boothman emphasizes that these initial moments are more than just about what we say—they are heavily influenced by non-verbal cues such as body language, eye contact, and facial expressions. Understanding and mastering these elements can make you more likable and help you forge connections quickly.

The Value of Expanding Your Social Network

Boothman also underscores the importance of having a broad social network. Strong social ties are linked not only to personal happiness but also to professional success and even physical health. Studies, such as those conducted by Dr. Lisa Berkman at Harvard, show that people with robust social connections live longer, healthier lives. Therefore, mastering the art of making people like you isn’t just a social skill; it’s a life skill.

Mastering First Impressions

The Power of Body Language

Before a word is spoken, body language already communicates volumes. Boothman advises orienting your body with your heart facing the person you’re engaging with to signal openness and sincerity. This stance shows that you are fully engaged and ready to connect.

Eye Contact: Building Trust Instantly

Maintaining direct and steady eye contact is crucial in establishing trust quickly. It’s one of the simplest yet most powerful tools to show that you are present and interested in the other person.

The Magic of a Smile

A warm, genuine smile can set the stage for a positive interaction. Boothman suggests being the first to smile, as it not only reflects your positive attitude but also helps to put the other person at ease.

Breaking the Ice

Initiating a conversation doesn’t have to be complicated. A simple “hello” or “hi,” followed by your name, is often enough to start things off on the right foot. Repeating the other person’s name when they introduce themselves helps in remembering it and shows that you are attentive.

Leaning In: Showing Interest

A slight forward lean during the conversation signals genuine interest. Whether you pair this with a handshake or keep your hands relaxed at your sides, this posture indicates that you are open and fully engaged.

Cultivating the Right Mindset

The Concept of ‘Rapport by Design’

Building rapport is often easier when there is common ground, but what if there isn’t? Boothman introduces the idea of ‘rapport by design,’ which is about intentionally creating a connection even when it’s not naturally occurring.

The Power of a Useful Attitude

Your attitude during an interaction can either help or hinder your ability to connect with others. Boothman differentiates between a ‘useful’ and a ‘useless’ attitude. A useful attitude focuses on the positive outcomes you want from the interaction, while a useless attitude fixates on potential negatives or things that might go wrong. By consciously adopting a useful attitude, you can influence not only your words but also your body language and facial expressions, making you more approachable.

Practical Scenario: Navigating Challenges with a Positive Attitude

Imagine you’re stuck in an airport due to a canceled flight. With a useless attitude, you might focus on your frustration, leading to unproductive interactions with airline staff. However, with a useful attitude, you stay focused on finding a solution—approaching staff with open body language and a calm demeanor to rebook your flight efficiently.

Enhancing Likability Through Body Language

Understanding Open vs. Closed Body Language

Open body language, such as uncrossed arms and a forward-facing posture, signals receptiveness and a willingness to engage. In contrast, closed body language, like crossed arms or turning away, can indicate defensiveness or disinterest. Being aware of these cues and adjusting them accordingly can significantly impact how others perceive you.

The Importance of Consistency

Consistency in your body language, facial expressions, and verbal communication is key to being perceived as trustworthy. Albert Mehrabian’s research highlights that when there’s a mismatch between what you say and how you say it, people are more likely to trust your body language over your words. Ensuring that all aspects of your communication are aligned helps build credibility and fosters trust.

Mirroring: A Subtle Tool for Building Rapport

The Science Behind Mirroring

Mirroring, or subtly mimicking the actions and behaviors of others, is a natural human tendency that helps in forming connections. This synchronization of gestures, facial expressions, and even vocal tones can make people feel more comfortable and understood in your presence.

Practical Application of Mirroring

In practical situations, mirroring can be a powerful tool. For instance, if someone speaks softly, lowering your voice to match theirs can create a more harmonious interaction. Similarly, aligning your body language with theirs—like adopting a more relaxed posture if they appear at ease—can help in building rapport.

Fueling Engaging Conversations

The Art of Asking Questions

Starting a conversation is often about asking the right questions. Boothman distinguishes between open and closed questions. Open questions, which invite more than a yes or no answer, encourage the other person to share more about themselves, leading to a more engaging conversation. For example, instead of asking, “Do you like this restaurant?” (a closed question), you might ask, “What do you think about the food here?” (an open question).

Active Listening: The Key to Connection

Listening is just as important as speaking when it comes to building connections. Active listening involves not just hearing the words but also paying attention to the emotions behind them. This means maintaining eye contact, nodding, and providing verbal acknowledgments like “I see” or “That makes sense.” This level of engagement shows that you value what the other person is saying and are genuinely interested in the conversation.

Takeaways from the Book in Just 20 Words

Master first impressions, body language, and mirroring to connect quickly, build trust, and make lasting, meaningful connections.

About the Author

Nicholas Boothman is a renowned speaker and author, known for his expertise in human connection and communication. With a background in fashion and advertising photography, Boothman has spent years studying the dynamics of human interaction. He is also a certified practitioner of neuro-linguistic programming, which he integrates into his teachings on making instant connections. Boothman’s work has helped countless individuals improve their interpersonal skills, making him a leading authority in the field.

Conclusion

“How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” is more than just a guide to making friends quickly; it’s a manual for enhancing your social skills in a way that can transform both your personal and professional life. By mastering the techniques outlined in the book—such as effective body language, the art of mirroring, and asking the right questions—you can become someone who easily connects with others, builds trust, and leaves a lasting impression.

Whether you’re looking to expand your social network, improve your interpersonal effectiveness, or simply make more meaningful connections, Boothman’s insights offer invaluable tools for navigating the complex world of human relationships.