Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Healing and Growth by Aundi Kolber
Try Softer by Aundi Kolber blends psychology, faith, and practical strategies to promote self-compassion and emotional healing. The book encourages readers to approach growth gently, offering tools to process trauma, understand emotions, and build resilience. Kolber’s compassionate tone and actionable insights make it a guide for anyone seeking mental and emotional well-being.
Who May Benefit from the Book
- Individuals recovering from trauma who need a gentle approach to healing.
- Anyone seeking emotional balance and better stress management techniques.
- Readers curious about the connection between mental health and physical well-being.
- People struggling with self-criticism who want to develop self-compassion.
- Professionals in mental health or caregiving looking for practical strategies to support others.
- Faith-based readers who value integrating spirituality into personal growth.
Top 3 Key Insights
- Embrace Your Story
Acknowledging pain is essential for healing. Owning your story creates space for transformation and self-compassion. - Understand Your Brain
Stress and trauma impact brain function. Recognizing these effects helps regulate responses and support healing. - Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries honor personal limits and foster freedom. They are vital for emotional well-being and authentic relationships.
7 More Lessons and Takeaways
- Attachment Styles Shape Us: Early relationships influence how we connect with others. Understanding this helps build healthier interactions.
- Window of Tolerance: Staying within your optimal emotional range supports balanced responses and decision-making.
- Mindful Attention: Awareness of thoughts and sensations improves self-regulation and reduces stress.
- Navigate Emotions: Emotions provide valuable feedback. Accepting them leads to better understanding and resolution.
- Silence the Inner Critic: Self-compassion replaces self-judgment, fostering growth and emotional resilience.
- Listen to Your Body: Physical sensations hold wisdom. Paying attention enhances healing and connection.
- Try Softer: Gentle approaches to growth reduce burnout and support lasting change.
The Book in 1 Sentence
Aundi Kolber’s Try Softer provides a compassionate framework to heal trauma, build resilience, and embrace personal growth.
The Book Summary in 1 Minute
Try Softer introduces a kind and thoughtful approach to healing emotional wounds. Kolber explains how trauma and stress impact the brain, body, and relationships. She highlights the importance of self-compassion, mindfulness, and setting boundaries. With actionable strategies like grounding techniques, emotional regulation, and listening to the body, readers can navigate challenges and foster personal growth. The book encourages embracing imperfections and respecting individual limits as part of the healing journey.
The Book Summary in 10 Minutes
Understanding Trauma and the Brain
Kolber explains the brain’s response to stress using three regions:
- Brainstem: Handles safety and survival instincts.
- Limbic System: Processes emotions and relationships.
- Prefrontal Cortex: Manages higher thinking and self-regulation.
Trauma disrupts this balance, leading to hyperarousal (fight-or-flight) or hypoarousal (freeze). Healing begins by recognizing these patterns and developing strategies to restore regulation, such as breathing exercises or grounding techniques.
Attachment Styles and Connection
Attachment styles formed in childhood influence adult relationships:
- Secure: Comfortable with closeness and independence.
- Anxious: Craves intimacy but fears rejection.
- Avoidant: Struggles with closeness, prioritizing independence.
- Disorganized: Conflicted feelings about safety and connection.
Recognizing your style helps you navigate relationships and work towards secure attachments through understanding and trust.
Finding the Window of Tolerance
The window of tolerance is your optimal emotional range for functioning effectively:
- Hyperarousal: Overwhelmed, anxious, or angry.
- Hypoarousal: Detached, numb, or disconnected.
Kolber offers grounding techniques like deep breathing, sensory exercises, and mindfulness to help return to balance when outside this range.
The Role of Boundaries
Setting boundaries protects emotional energy and fosters genuine connections. Kolber suggests:
- Recognizing your needs.
- Communicating them clearly.
- Respecting others’ boundaries.
Boundaries may feel uncomfortable initially but are essential for self-respect and well-being.
Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness
Kolber emphasizes mindfulness—moment-to-moment awareness without judgment—as a tool for reducing stress and improving emotional regulation. Mindful practices include:
- Observing thoughts and sensations.
- Staying present with curiosity.
- Using breath or body awareness during stressful moments.
Embracing Emotions
Emotions are responses to experiences and provide valuable information. Kolber encourages:
- Naming emotions to understand them.
- Allowing feelings without judgment.
- Practicing techniques like journaling or talking to a trusted person.
Self-Compassion Over Criticism
The inner critic often perpetuates shame and self-doubt. Kolber promotes self-compassion through:
- Mindfulness: Accepting imperfections.
- Common humanity: Recognizing shared struggles.
- Self-kindness: Offering yourself the care you’d give a friend.
The Try Softer Approach
Trying softer involves approaching challenges with kindness and patience. It emphasizes:
- Respecting your limits.
- Avoiding self-imposed pressure.
- Honoring progress rather than perfection.
Kolber provides practical exercises, including visualization and body scans, to integrate this approach into daily life.
Practical Tools for Growth
Kolber’s strategies for healing include:
- Grounding Techniques: Focus on sensory experiences to stay present.
- Embodiment Practices: Use yoga or gentle movement to reconnect with your body.
- Visualization: Picture success or calmness to shift your mindset.
- Daily Affirmations: Use kind words to replace self-criticism.
About the Author
Aundi Kolber is a licensed therapist, author, and speaker specializing in trauma and mental health. She integrates faith, neuroscience, and psychology in her work. With over 15 years of experience, Kolber provides a compassionate framework for emotional healing through her books, workshops, and counseling.
How to Get the Best of the Book
Start by identifying one area of growth, such as setting boundaries or practicing mindfulness. Implement Kolber’s techniques gradually, tailoring them to your needs. Journaling and reflection help track progress. Use visualization and affirmations to reinforce positive changes.
Conclusion
Try Softer inspires readers to embrace healing with patience and self-compassion. Kolber’s gentle approach empowers individuals to navigate trauma, honor emotions, and build resilience. With practical tools and a compassionate tone, this book is a valuable resource for anyone seeking growth and emotional balance.