The Lost Art of Connecting by Susan McPherson
“The Lost Art of Connecting” by Susan McPherson is a practical guide to building meaningful relationships in both professional and personal spaces. Through her Gather, Ask, Do method, McPherson offers a roadmap for fostering authentic connections in a digital world, emphasizing the value of human interaction over superficial networking.
Who May Benefit from the Book
- Professionals seeking deeper, more authentic connections
- Introverts looking for a structured networking approach
- Entrepreneurs and leaders aiming to build meaningful relationships
- Individuals wanting to improve interpersonal communication skills
- People struggling with digital overwhelm in social interactions
Top 3 Key Insights
- Gather, Ask, Do Framework: A structured approach to foster deeper relationships by creating space, offering help, and taking action.
- Prioritize Authenticity: Genuine, human connections are more powerful and lasting than transactional networking.
- Follow-Up Consistently: Regular, thoughtful follow-ups strengthen and maintain connections over time.
7 More Lessons and Takeaways
- Relationships Are an Investment: Treat networking as an ongoing process rather than a one-time interaction.
- Shift Focus from ‘Me’ to ‘We’: Emphasize how you can contribute to others instead of what you can gain.
- Be Intentional: Plan your networking efforts around clear goals and personal values.
- Cultivate Existing Connections: Your current network is a valuable resource that can open unexpected doors.
- Listen Actively: Asking thoughtful questions and truly listening fosters stronger bonds.
- Digital vs. In-Person: While online interactions are useful, face-to-face meetings deepen relationships.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Even minor interactions, like a quick favor, can significantly strengthen a connection.
The Book in 20 Words
“Authentic, meaningful relationships thrive through genuine interaction, thoughtful assistance, and consistency—keys to lasting professional and personal networks.”
The Book Summary in 1 Minute
Susan McPherson’s The Lost Art of Connecting explores how to build meaningful, lasting relationships in the digital age. Using her Gather, Ask, Do framework, McPherson advocates for intentional connection: gather contacts, ask how to help, and do meaningful actions to nurture relationships. The book emphasizes the importance of authenticity, active listening, and consistent follow-up to maintain connections. This approach is designed to break away from shallow networking, replacing it with purposeful, human-centered interaction that benefits both personal and professional life.
The Book Summary in 10 Minutes
Gather, Ask, Do: A Framework for Authentic Connections
At the heart of The Lost Art of Connecting is Susan McPherson’s three-step method: Gather, Ask, Do. This process moves away from transactional networking and instead focuses on fostering meaningful, lasting relationships.
Gather: Building Your Network Intentionally
The Gather phase encourages you to think intentionally about whom you want to connect with. This stage involves creating an environment—both virtually and physically—where connections can naturally form. McPherson suggests mapping out who you already know and identifying individuals whose values and interests align with yours. Networking becomes an act of gathering the right people rather than collecting as many contacts as possible.
Ask: Focus on Giving Before Receiving
In the Ask phase, McPherson emphasizes the importance of asking how you can help others first. Instead of approaching networking with the mindset of what you can gain, shift the focus to how you can assist. This establishes trust and opens doors to deeper relationships. Whether it’s through small favors or offering a listening ear, this approach positions you as a supportive ally in your network.
Do: The Power of Action and Follow-Up
The final phase, Do, is all about taking action. Follow through on your offers to help and consistently check in with your network. Simple gestures—such as sending a useful article or remembering important milestones—demonstrate your commitment to maintaining the relationship. McPherson emphasizes that regular follow-ups are key to turning initial connections into long-lasting partnerships.
The Importance of Authenticity
McPherson advocates for authentic engagement in networking. Rather than focusing on superficial exchanges or digital connections, she encourages readers to be genuine in their interactions. Authenticity, she argues, leads to more fulfilling and lasting relationships, whether in professional or personal settings.
Cultivating Existing Relationships
Often, people focus too much on expanding their networks and neglect the importance of nurturing existing connections. McPherson reminds readers that the people already in their networks can be the most valuable resources. By investing time and effort into these relationships, you can unlock new opportunities and strengthen bonds.
The Role of Active Listening
A crucial skill in connecting with others is active listening. McPherson suggests that in networking, the most valuable person isn’t necessarily the one who speaks the most, but the one who listens intently. By asking thoughtful questions and genuinely engaging with others’ responses, you create space for deeper understanding and trust.
Balancing Digital and In-Person Interactions
While the digital age has made networking more accessible, McPherson stresses the importance of balancing online and in-person interactions. Face-to-face meetings, when possible, create a stronger foundation for relationships. However, digital tools can complement in-person efforts by allowing for frequent and convenient follow-ups.
The Impact of Small Gestures
One of McPherson’s key takeaways is that small actions often make the biggest impact. Whether it’s sending a note of encouragement or offering to introduce someone to a helpful contact, these gestures help to solidify trust and rapport over time.
| Phase | Key Action | Outcome |
|---|---|---|
| Gather | Intentionally build your network | Create meaningful connections |
| Ask | Offer help before seeking benefits | Establish trust and rapport |
| Do | Follow through with actions | Maintain long-term relationships |
Building a Balanced Network
McPherson advises against focusing too heavily on one type of connection. A balanced network includes people from various industries and backgrounds. This diversity enriches both your professional growth and personal life.
About the Author
Susan McPherson is a renowned communication strategist and the founder of McPherson Strategies, a consultancy focused on social impact and corporate responsibility. A self-described “serial connector,” McPherson is a frequent speaker on the power of connecting and contributes to publications like Harvard Business Review and Fast Company. Her work centers around building networks that prioritize purpose and meaningful engagement.
How to Get the Best of the Book
To maximize the value of The Lost Art of Connecting, practice the Gather, Ask, Do method as you read. Start applying the concepts immediately by engaging in thoughtful conversations and making small, meaningful gestures to strengthen your relationships.
Conclusion
In The Lost Art of Connecting, Susan McPherson redefines networking by focusing on authenticity, generosity, and consistency. Her Gather, Ask, Do framework offers a refreshing approach to building relationships that enrich both professional success and personal fulfillment. Whether you’re looking to expand your network or deepen existing ties, this book provides the tools to make connections that last.