The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change The Way You Lead Forever

In today’s fast-paced world, effective coaching has become a cornerstone of leadership and personal development. However, many of us either don’t receive or don’t deliver impactful coaching. Michael Bungay Stanier’s book, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever, distills the essence of coaching into seven powerful questions. These questions are designed to transform how you engage with others, manage relationships, and guide your employees or colleagues toward problem-solving and personal growth.

Who May Benefit from the Book

• Leaders seeking to improve their coaching abilities
• Managers wanting to enhance team autonomy
• Coaches looking for practical tools to facilitate conversations
• Anyone interested in fostering a culture of inquiry and learning

Top 3 Key Insights

1. Shift to Questions: The book emphasizes asking powerful questions to foster autonomy rather than providing immediate solutions.
2. The Seven Questions: Mastering seven essential questions can lead to more productive conversations and better outcomes.
3. Focus on the Real Challenge: Identifying the core issue allows for more effective problem-solving and decision-making.

7 More Lessons and Takeaways

1. Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?” initiates focused discussions and addresses what matters most.
2. AWE Question: “And what else?” encourages deeper exploration of ideas, generating multiple options.
3. Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?” helps pinpoint the true issue rather than the surface problem.
4. Foundation Question: “What do you want?” promotes clarity in communication, allowing team members to articulate their needs.
5. Lazy Question: “How can I help?” ensures requests are clear, preventing overcommitment from leaders.
6. Strategic Question: “If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to?” aids in making intentional decisions regarding commitments.
7. Learning Question: “What was most useful for you?” encourages reflection and reinforces the value of conversations, promoting continuous learning.

The Book in 20 Words

Transform your leadership by mastering seven essential questions that foster autonomy, enhance conversations, and drive effective coaching in teams.

The Book Summary in 1 Minute

In “The Coaching Habit,” Michael Bungay Stanier presents a fresh approach to leadership focused on asking powerful questions instead of offering immediate solutions. Central to this method are seven essential questions: the Kickstart, AWE, Focus, Foundation, Lazy, Strategic, and Learning questions. These questions guide leaders to foster meaningful conversations, uncover true challenges, and empower team members to find their own solutions. By mastering these inquiries, leaders can create a culture of autonomy and engagement, transforming their management approach for better outcomes.

The Coaching Habit: A Comprehensive Overview

As the founder of the coaching company “Box of Crayons,” Michael Stanier has trained countless managers to become better coaches. Through his experience, he identified three vicious cycles that many leaders encounter in the workplace:

• Creating Overdependence: The more you help your team, the more they rely on you, eventually leading you to become a bottleneck.
• Being Overwhelmed: Increased productivity often results in more work being assigned to you, leaving you feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of tasks.
• Feeling Disconnected: The more you immerse yourself in routine tasks, the more disengaged and demotivated you become, making work feel less meaningful.

By developing a coaching habit, you can break these cycles:

• Promote Self-Sufficiency: Encourage your team to become more independent, reducing the need for constant intervention.
• Focus on What Matters: Free up your time and energy to concentrate on the most critical tasks for yourself and your team.
• Foster Growth: Coaching others challenges both you and your team to step out of your comfort zones, facilitating learning and development.

The Seven Essential Coaching Questions

The core of effective coaching lies in asking the right questions. Stanier’s book introduces seven key questions that capture the essence of coaching. Here’s an overview of these questions and how they can be applied:

1. The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?”

This opening question is designed to break the ice and get the conversation started. Unlike small talk, it quickly brings the discussion to the forefront of important issues. The “3P model” (Projects, People, and Patterns) can be used in conjunction with this question to uncover the underlying challenges.

2. The AWE Question: “And what else?”

This question is crucial for generating new possibilities and options. It encourages deeper exploration of the issues at hand, helping to overcome the natural tendency to give premature advice.

3. The Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?”

While the first two questions get the conversation flowing, they may not always reveal the root problem. This question helps to pinpoint the core issue that needs to be addressed, ensuring that the coaching session is focused and effective.

4. The Foundation Question: “What do you want?”

Clarity is key to effective communication and decision-making. This question helps individuals articulate their desires, leading to more productive discussions and better outcomes. Understanding the nine universal needs can also provide deeper insights into this question’s effectiveness.

5. The Lazy Question: “How can I help?”

The beauty of this question lies in its simplicity. It encourages the other person to propose solutions, shifting the responsibility for problem-solving onto them. This approach helps break the Karpman Drama Triangle, where individuals may fall into Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer roles.

6. The Strategic Question: “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”

Commitment is crucial in decision-making. This question helps individuals evaluate their readiness to commit by considering what they might need to sacrifice. It also encourages thoughtful decision-making rather than impulsive choices.

7. The Learning Question: “What was most useful to you?”

Effective coaching isn’t just about solving immediate problems; it’s also about fostering long-term development. This question encourages reflection, allowing individuals to learn from their experiences and grow beyond the current challenge.

Maximizing the Benefits of The Coaching Habit

Stanier’s book is not just a guide; it’s a toolkit for anyone looking to enhance their coaching skills. With practical tips, exercises, and real-world examples, The Coaching Habit offers actionable advice that you can start applying immediately. Each chapter concludes with exercises designed to help you reflect on and consolidate your learning.

For those interested in diving deeper, the book also provides background information and empirical evidence supporting each question, along with additional resources and recommended readings.

About the Author of The Coaching Habit

The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change The Way You Lead Forever is authored by Michael Bungay Stanier, a renowned coach, author, and speaker. As the founder and senior partner of “Box of Crayons,” Stanier works with organizations to help them do great work. He holds arts and law degrees from Australian National University and an MPhil from Oxford University. In 2006, he was named Canadian Coach of the Year.

Noteworthy Quotes from The Coaching Habit

1. “The more you help your people, the more they seem to need your help.”
2. “Even though we don’t really know what the issue is, we’re quite sure we’ve got the answer they need.”
3. “Recognizing the need gives you a better understanding of how you might best address the want.”
4. “Before we look at what to change, we need to understand how to change.”
5. “Small talk might be a useful way to warm up but it’s rarely the bridge that leads to a conversation that matters.”
6. “When people start talking to you about the challenge at hand…remember…that what they’re laying out for you is rarely the actual problem.”
7. “Make your habit a resilient system.”

Conclusion

The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier is an invaluable resource for anyone looking to enhance their coaching skills and, in turn, their leadership capabilities. By incorporating these seven essential questions into your conversations, you can foster a more self-sufficient, engaged, and productive team. This book is a must-read for leaders, managers, and coaches who aspire to make a lasting impact on those they lead.