33 Life Lessons from Thousands of People Who Have Lived a Purposeful Life

In a world where we constantly seek wisdom to navigate the complexities of life, nothing compares to the advice from those who have lived through it all. Dr. Karl Pillemer, a professor at Cornell University, embarked on a remarkable journey to distill the life lessons of over 1,500 people in their 70s, 80s, and beyond. These individuals, who have weathered the storms of life and celebrated its joys, offer insights that are both profound and practical. Here, we delve into the 30 life lessons they’ve shared, organized into six core areas of life: relationships, career, parenting, aging, living without regrets, and happiness.

1. Building Deep Relationships with Your Lifelong Partner

1. Find a Partner Who Shares Your Core Values and Is Your Friend
   • The foundation of a strong relationship is shared values and deep friendship. It’s about aligning your life approaches and not just your interests. While differences can complement, misaligned values often lead to friction. Before seeking a partner, take time to understand your own values.
2. Make Sure You’re Friends
   • Friendship in a romantic relationship means genuinely enjoying each other’s company. The happiest couples often describe their partners as their best friends. This bond helps weather the inevitable storms of life together.
3. Don’t Keep Score
   • Relationships thrive when both partners focus on giving rather than keeping tabs on what they receive. By concentrating on how you can contribute to your partner’s happiness, you foster a relationship where both parties feel valued and loved.
4. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
   • Open, honest communication is crucial. It’s not just about talking but also listening. Understanding your partner’s perspective, even during conflicts, can prevent resentment and keep the relationship strong.
5. Commit to the Promise You’ve Made to Each Other
   • Marriage should be viewed as a serious commitment, not just a voluntary partnership. Keeping this mindset helps couples navigate challenges without resorting to drastic measures like separation. Remember, most disagreements aren’t worth the cost of long-term unhappiness.

2. Pursuing a Meaningful Career

6. Choose a Career that You Enjoy, Not Just One That Makes You Money
   • Fulfillment in life often comes from meaningful work. Money is necessary, but it should not be the sole motivator. Seek work that brings joy, fosters personal growth, and contributes to the community.
7. Don’t Give Up on Looking for a Job That Makes You Happy
   • If your current job doesn’t bring you satisfaction, don’t settle. Keep searching for something that aligns with your passions. It may take time and effort, but finding the right job can profoundly impact your overall happiness.
8. Make the Most of a Bad Job
   • Even if you’re stuck in a less-than-ideal job, there are lessons to be learned. Focus on building skills, understanding your strengths, and networking. Every experience can be a stepping stone to something better.
9. Develop Emotional Intelligence
   • Success in any career is often tied to how well you manage relationships. Emotional intelligence—understanding and managing your emotions and those of others—is key to navigating workplace dynamics, especially as you rise in your career.
10. Prioritize Autonomy
    • As you advance in your career, strive for independence. The ability to control your time and decisions is invaluable. Autonomy can lead to a more satisfying career and life, especially if it allows you to balance work with personal interests.

3. Raising Children

11. Maximize the Quantity of Time Spent Together
    • Quantity of time is as important as quality. Regular, everyday interactions foster closeness and understanding. The most meaningful conversations often happen spontaneously, so being present is crucial.
12. Avoid Showing Favoritism
    • Favoritism can damage sibling relationships and your bond with your children. Treat all your children with equal love and avoid comparisons that might suggest favoritism.
13. Don’t Hit Your Kids
    • Physical punishment can have long-term negative effects on children. Discipline should be firm but loving, focusing on guiding behavior rather than instilling fear.
14. Do Whatever You Can to Prevent Rifts
    • Estrangement from a child is one of the most painful experiences parents can endure. Be proactive in addressing conflicts and prioritize maintaining a strong, loving relationship with your children.
15. Build a Lifelong Relationship with Your Children
    • Your role as a parent doesn’t end when your children become adults. Continue to support and nurture your relationship with them throughout their lives, focusing on mutual respect and understanding.

4. Aging Gracefully

16. Look Forward to Being Old (It’s Better Than You Think!)
    • Aging brings a sense of calm and freedom. The pressures of youth fade, allowing you to focus on what truly matters. Embrace this stage of life with a positive outlook.
17. Act Now Like You Will Need Your Body for a Hundred Years
    • Take care of your health today. The choices you make now will determine not just how long you live, but how well you live. Prioritize exercise, healthy eating, and regular check-ups.
18. Don’t Fret About Dying
    • The fear of death diminishes with age. Many older people find peace in accepting the inevitable and focus more on living fully in the present.
19. Actively Stay Connected to Others
    • Social connections are vital for mental and emotional health as you age. Make an effort to stay in touch with friends and family, and seek out new social opportunities to avoid isolation.
20. Plan Ahead on Where You’ll Live and Share Your Post-Life Wishes
    • Choose a living situation that supports your needs as you age, whether it’s staying at home, moving in with family, or entering a senior community. Also, make your end-of-life wishes clear to your loved ones to avoid unnecessary stress and conflict later.

5. Living a Life Without Regrets

21. Be Honest
    • Living with integrity is crucial for long-term happiness. Honesty in your actions and relationships builds trust and reduces the stress of maintaining lies or half-truths.
22. Say Yes to Opportunities
    • Life is full of possibilities, but you must be open to them. Don’t let fear or indecision hold you back. Embrace new experiences—they often lead to the most rewarding moments in life.
23. Travel More
    • Travel broadens your perspective and enriches your life. Whether it’s exploring new cultures or simply taking a break from routine, travel offers experiences that few other activities can match.
24. Select a Lifelong Mate with Extreme Care
    • Choosing the right partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll make. Take your time to ensure your partner shares your values, is a true friend, and will stand by you through life’s challenges.
25. Say It Now
    • Don’t wait to express your feelings or resolve conflicts. Whether it’s telling someone you love them or apologizing for a past mistake, addressing important matters today can prevent future regrets.

6. Being Happy

26. Value Time Over Everything
    • Time is the most precious resource. Prioritize how you spend it, focusing on activities and people that bring you joy and fulfillment. As you age, you’ll realize that money and possessions are far less important than the time spent well.
27. Happiness is a Choice
    • Many of the elders emphasized that happiness is a state of mind. It’s not about what happens to you, but how you react to it. Choose positivity, gratitude, and contentment.
28. Forgive and Let Go
    • Holding onto grudges or past mistakes only weighs you down. Forgiveness, whether of others or yourself, is key to maintaining inner peace and happiness.
29. Pursue What Makes You Happy
    • Don’t live your life based on others’ expectations. Identify what truly makes you happy and make those pursuits a priority. Life is too short to spend on things that don’t bring you joy.
30. Keep Learning and Growing
    • Never stop learning, no matter your age. Continuous growth and curiosity keep life exciting and fulfilling. Whether it’s picking up a new hobby, traveling, or reading, stay engaged with the world around you.

Lesson 31: Cultivate Resilience

One of the most profound insights shared by those who have lived long and fulfilling lives is the importance of resilience—the ability to bounce back from life’s inevitable challenges and setbacks. Life is unpredictable, and everyone encounters obstacles, whether they are financial hardships, health crises, or personal losses. The elders emphasize that how you respond to these challenges shapes your life far more than the challenges themselves.

Resilience isn’t about avoiding hardship but about facing it with courage and determination. The interviewees suggest developing a mindset that embraces challenges as opportunities for growth. They recommend maintaining a positive outlook, seeking support from loved ones, and being adaptable in the face of change. They also stress the importance of self-compassion—acknowledging your own limits, forgiving yourself when you fall short, and continuing to move forward.

Lesson 32: Give Back to Others

Many of the elders reflected on the deep satisfaction they gained from giving back to others, whether through volunteering, mentoring, or simply being there for friends and family. They found that contributing to the well-being of others added a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment to their lives, often more so than their own personal achievements.

This lesson emphasizes the importance of looking beyond oneself and making a positive impact on the world around you. The elders recommend finding ways to serve others that align with your passions and strengths. This could be as simple as lending a listening ear to someone in need or as involved as dedicating time to a cause you care about. The act of giving not only benefits those you help but also enriches your own life, fostering a sense of connection and meaning.

Lesson 33: Embrace Lifelong Learning

One of the keys to living a vibrant and fulfilling life, according to the elders, is to never stop learning. They believe that intellectual curiosity and a desire to expand your knowledge and skills are crucial for staying engaged with life, no matter your age. Whether it’s picking up a new hobby, reading books, taking courses, or learning from others’ experiences, continuous learning keeps your mind sharp and your spirit youthful.

The elders suggest that embracing lifelong learning helps you adapt to changes, stay relevant, and remain open to new ideas and perspectives. It also brings joy and a sense of accomplishment, as you see yourself grow and evolve over time. They recommend approaching each day with a beginner’s mindset—remaining humble, curious, and eager to discover something new, regardless of how much you think you already know.

Final Thoughts

These 30 lessons are more than just advice—they’re distilled wisdom from those who have seen life from every angle. While each person’s journey is unique, these principles offer a roadmap for living a life filled with purpose, joy, and fulfillment. Whether you’re just starting out in life or well along the path, these insights can help you make the most of every moment.

Incorporate these lessons into your life, and perhaps one day, you too will pass on your own wisdom to the generations that follow. After all, life is a continuous journey of learning, loving, and growing.