13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do by Amy Morin
Parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding responsibilities in life. Every parent wants their child to grow into a strong, capable adult, ready to face the world’s challenges. However, in the pursuit of being the best parent, it’s easy to fall into habits that might actually hinder a child’s development. Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and author, brings a fresh perspective to parenting in her book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do. This book isn’t just another parenting guide—it’s a roadmap to raising mentally resilient children by focusing on what not to do.
Who May Benefit from the Book
- New Parents: Learn how to build a strong foundation for your child’s emotional and mental growth.
- Experienced Parents: Refine your parenting approach to avoid common mistakes.
- Teachers and Caregivers: Gain insights into fostering resilience in children.
- Anyone Interested in Child Psychology: Understand how parenting practices shape a child’s mental strength.
Top 3 Key Insights
- Avoid Overprotecting: Let children face challenges to build resilience.
- Teach Emotional Intelligence: Help kids understand and manage their emotions.
- Model Healthy Behavior: Children learn by observing their parents’ actions and attitudes.
7 More Lessons and Takeaways
- Don’t Shield Kids from Pain: Let them experience discomfort to learn coping skills.
- Avoid Guilt-Driven Decisions: Make choices based on long-term benefits, not short-term relief.
- Encourage Accountability: Teach kids to take responsibility for their actions.
- Foster Humility: Balance praise with lessons on effort and gratitude.
- Reject Perfectionism: Celebrate progress, not flawless performance.
- Use Discipline as a Teaching Tool: Focus on learning, not punishment.
- Live Your Values: Align your actions with the principles you want to instill in your children.
The Book in 1 Sentence
13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do provides a roadmap for raising resilient, emotionally intelligent children by avoiding common parenting mistakes.
The Book Summary in 1 Minute
Amy Morin’s 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do highlights key parenting mistakes that hinder children’s mental strength. She emphasizes avoiding overprotection, guilt-driven decisions, and perfectionism. Instead, Morin advocates for teaching emotional intelligence, fostering humility, and using discipline as a learning tool. This book is a practical guide for parents who want to raise resilient, independent, and emotionally balanced children.
The Book Summary in 10 Minutes
Understanding Mental Strength in Parenting
Mental strength in parenting isn’t about being tough or unemotional; it’s about teaching children to navigate life’s ups and downs with resilience, responsibility, and confidence. Morin emphasizes that mentally strong parents are those who actively work on their own behaviors, ensuring they don’t become obstacles in their children’s path to emotional, academic, and behavioral success.
Why It’s Important to Avoid Common Parenting Pitfalls
Modern parenting often leans towards over-involvement, where parents micromanage every aspect of their child’s life. While well-intentioned, this approach can lead to children growing up with a lack of confidence, an inability to handle failure, and a skewed perception of their capabilities. Morin’s book identifies and addresses these issues, providing clear strategies to avoid them and foster mental strength in both parents and children.
Amy Morin’s 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do outlines specific behaviors parents should avoid to raise resilient, emotionally strong children. Below is a detailed discussion of each of the 13 things, as presented in the original book.
1. They Don’t Condone a Victim Mentality
Mentally strong parents teach their children to take responsibility for their actions. They avoid letting kids blame others for their problems. Instead, they encourage problem-solving and accountability. For example, if a child fails a test, they help them identify what went wrong and how to improve, rather than blaming the teacher.
2. They Don’t Parent Out of Guilt
Parenting decisions driven by guilt often lead to poor outcomes. Morin advises parents to evaluate whether their guilt is justified. If not, they should let it go. For instance, saying “no” to unnecessary demands teaches kids that they can’t always get what they want, which is an important life lesson.
3. They Don’t Make Their Child the Center of the Universe
When parents prioritize their children’s needs above everything else, it can lead to entitlement. Mentally strong parents teach kids that they are important but not the center of the world. They encourage empathy and consideration for others.
4. They Don’t Allow Fear to Dictate Their Choices
Fear-driven parenting, such as overprotecting kids from failure or danger, can hinder their growth. Morin suggests letting children take age-appropriate risks. For example, allowing a child to climb a tree (with supervision) helps them build confidence and problem-solving skills.
5. They Don’t Give Their Child Power Over Them
Mentally strong parents maintain authority without being authoritarian. They set clear boundaries and enforce rules consistently. For example, if a child throws a tantrum, they don’t give in to demands. Instead, they calmly enforce consequences.
6. They Don’t Expect Perfection
Perfectionism can harm a child’s mental health. Morin advises parents to celebrate effort, not just results. For instance, praising a child for working hard on a project, even if the outcome isn’t perfect, fosters a growth mindset.
7. They Don’t Let Their Child Avoid Responsibility
Chores and responsibilities teach kids important life skills. Mentally strong parents assign age-appropriate tasks, like cleaning their room or helping with dishes. This builds a sense of accountability and self-reliance.
8. They Don’t Shield Their Child From Pain
Shielding kids from discomfort prevents them from developing resilience. Morin encourages parents to let children experience natural consequences. For example, if a child forgets their homework, they should face the teacher’s response rather than having a parent intervene.
9. They Don’t Feel Responsible for Their Child’s Emotions
Parents often try to “fix” their child’s negative emotions, but this can prevent kids from learning to manage their feelings. Mentally strong parents validate emotions without taking ownership. For example, instead of saying, “I’ll make it better,” they might say, “I understand you’re upset. How can we handle this?”
10. They Don’t Prevent Their Child From Making Mistakes
Mistakes are valuable learning opportunities. Morin advises parents to let kids fail in safe environments. For instance, if a child forgets their lunch, they’ll learn to remember it next time. This builds problem-solving skills and resilience.
11. They Don’t Confuse Discipline With Punishment
Discipline should teach, not punish. Mentally strong parents focus on helping kids understand the consequences of their actions. For example, instead of yelling, they might say, “If you don’t clean your room, you won’t have time to play video games later.”
12. They Don’t Take Shortcuts to Avoid Discomfort
Avoiding difficult parenting moments, like enforcing rules or saying “no,” can lead to long-term problems. Morin encourages parents to face these challenges head-on. For example, enduring a tantrum now can prevent future behavioral issues.
13. They Don’t Lose Sight of Their Values
Mentally strong parents model the values they want to instill in their children. They create a family mission statement and live by it. For example, if kindness is a core value, they demonstrate it through their actions, like volunteering or helping a neighbor.
How These 13 Things Work Together
These 13 principles form a comprehensive framework for raising mentally strong children. By avoiding these behaviors, parents can foster resilience, emotional intelligence, and independence in their kids. Each principle reinforces the others, creating a balanced and supportive parenting approach.
Practical Strategies for Implementing These Lessons
Create a Family Mission Statement
One way to ensure that your actions align with your values is to create a family mission statement. Involve your children in this process to help them understand and internalize the values that are most important to your family. Once created, display the mission statement somewhere prominent in your home as a constant reminder.
Teach Through Everyday Actions
When your children are young, explain the reasoning behind your actions to help them understand the values you are demonstrating. For example, when you help a neighbor in need, explain to your child that it’s important to show kindness and support to others. These small, everyday actions contribute significantly to your child’s understanding of how to navigate the world.
How to Get the Best of the Book
Read with an open mind and reflect on your parenting habits. Take notes on actionable strategies and apply them consistently. Use the book as a guide to create a supportive, values-driven environment for your children.
About the Author: Amy Morin
Amy Morin is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and psychology lecturer. She gained widespread recognition with her first book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, which became a bestseller. Drawing from her professional experience and personal life, Morin has become an influential voice in the field of mental strength. Her books are praised for their practical advice, grounded in psychological principles, and have been translated into multiple languages.
Conclusion
13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do is not just a guide; it’s a wake-up call for parents who want to raise children capable of handling life’s inevitable challenges. By focusing on what not to do, Morin helps parents avoid common pitfalls that can stunt their children’s growth. This book is an essential read for parents at any stage of their parenting journey, offering insights that are both practical and profound.