Stop Self-Sabotage by Dr. Judy Ho

Self-sabotage is a pervasive and often unconscious behavior that many of us grapple with. Whether it’s procrastination, negative self-talk, or avoidance, these patterns can hinder our ability to achieve personal and professional goals. In her book, Stop Self-Sabotage: Six Steps to Unlock Your True Motivation, Harness Your Willpower, and Get Out of Your Own Way, Dr. Judy Ho offers a clinically proven, six-step plan to help you identify and overcome these destructive behaviors. With a blend of exercises, practical advice, and real-life examples, Dr. Ho—a triple board-certified neuropsychologist and associate professor at Pepperdine University—provides a transformative guide that has the potential to turn your life around.

Understanding Self-Sabotage: Why We Get in Our Own Way

Self-sabotage often stems from our innate drives: the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. While these impulses are essential for survival, they can sometimes become distorted, leading to behaviors that work against our best interests. Dr. Ho explains that self-sabotage is a result of these skewed drives, which cause us to act in ways that are counterproductive to our goals.

The Six-Step Process to Conquer Self-Sabotage

Dr. Ho’s book is structured around a six-step process designed to help readers recognize and overcome self-sabotaging behaviors. These steps are rooted in cognitive-behavioral principles and are supported by years of clinical practice and research.

1. Identify the Triggers: Recognizing Destructive Thought Patterns

The first step in overcoming self-sabotage is to understand the thought patterns that trigger these behaviors. Dr. Ho identifies six common thinking patterns that often lead to self-sabotage:

• Overgeneralization and Catastrophizing: Taking a single event and blowing it out of proportion, leading to negative conclusions.
• Shoulds-Based Thinking: Setting rigid expectations based on personal rules, which often leads to disappointment.
• Black-and-White Thinking: Viewing situations in extremes, without acknowledging the middle ground.
• Mind Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking without any evidence.
• Discounting the Positive: Ignoring or dismissing your achievements and positive traits.
• Personalization: Comparing yourself to others, often based on distorted perceptions from social media.

To identify these patterns in your own thinking, Dr. Ho suggests dividing your day into four blocks and jotting down your thoughts at each interval. Review these notes to see which patterns recur most frequently.

2. Master the Art of Pausing and Reframing: Breaking the Thought-Feeling-Action Cycle

After recognizing the triggers, the next step is to interrupt the cycle of negative thoughts, feelings, and actions. This involves pausing after a triggering event and reframing your thoughts. A useful technique here is “deemphasizing,” where you create psychological distance from the event by rephrasing your thoughts. For example, instead of thinking, “My friend is ignoring me,” you might say, “I am having the thought that my friend is ignoring me.” This subtle shift creates a buffer, allowing you to respond more mindfully rather than reacting impulsively.

3. Dissecting the Cycle of Your Actions: Using the ABC Model

Understanding the connection between your thoughts, actions, and outcomes is crucial for breaking the cycle of self-sabotage. Dr. Ho introduces the “ABC” model—Antecedents, Behaviors, and Consequences—as a tool to dissect this cycle:

• Antecedents (A): The situations, thoughts, or feelings that trigger your behaviors.
• Behaviors (B): The actions you take in response to these triggers.
• Consequences (C): The outcomes of your behaviors, both positive and negative.

By analyzing these elements, you can identify and alter the behaviors that lead to self-sabotage. For instance, if you tend to procrastinate in response to stress (the antecedent), recognizing this pattern can help you choose a more constructive behavior instead.

4. Mapping Your Route to Success: Implementing MCII

Once you’ve identified and started to change your self-sabotaging behaviors, the next step is to refocus on your goals. Dr. Ho advocates for a technique called mental contrasting with implementation intentions (MCII) to align your actions with your aspirations. This involves:

• Mental Contrasting: Evaluating your current situation against your desired future, identifying obstacles that might stand in your way, and adjusting your goals accordingly.
• Implementation Intentions: Creating a detailed action plan that outlines how you will overcome each obstacle.

By integrating these strategies, you can stay motivated and maintain momentum as you work towards your goals.

5. Refining Your Compass: Aligning Actions with Core Values

In moments of doubt or challenge, it’s essential to return to your core values—these are the principles that guide your decisions and actions. Dr. Ho recommends an exercise where you list 33 values, prioritize them, and then align your daily actions with your top seven core values. This ensures that your goals remain deeply connected to what truly matters to you, providing a sense of purpose and direction.

6. Sustaining Momentum: Building Resilience and Preventing Relapse

The final step in Dr. Ho’s process focuses on sustaining the changes you’ve made and preventing a relapse into old habits. This involves regularly revisiting the strategies you’ve learned, celebrating your progress, and being mindful of new challenges that might arise. Dr. Ho emphasizes the importance of resilience—bouncing back from setbacks and maintaining your commitment to self-improvement.

About the Author: Dr. Judy Ho

Dr. Judy Ho is a renowned clinical and forensic neuropsychologist, author, and media personality. She holds triple board certifications in clinical, forensic, and neuropsychology, and serves as an associate professor at Pepperdine University. Dr. Ho has made numerous media appearances, sharing her expertise on shows like The Doctors and The Dr. Drew Show. Her work has earned her the prestigious National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award twice, underscoring her significant contributions to the field of psychology.

Takeaways from the Book in Just 20 Words

Transform self-sabotage into success by identifying triggers, reframing thoughts, aligning actions with values, and sustaining positive momentum.

Conclusion

Stop Self-Sabotage by Dr. Judy Ho offers a comprehensive and actionable guide to overcoming the behaviors that hinder our progress. By following her six-step plan, you can break free from self-defeating patterns, align your actions with your core values, and ultimately achieve your goals. Whether you’re struggling with procrastination, low motivation, or negative thinking, this book provides the tools you need to turn obstacles into opportunities for growth. Start your journey towards self-mastery today and unlock your true potential.